i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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