You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
