you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
