i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
