explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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