you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize