nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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