I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
