woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
