I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Every concussion has its silver lining
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
