Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize