You made me cry and you don't even care
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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