oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
