A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
