On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am available for nakedness
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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