Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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