two words: eviction party
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
