Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
