I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
