The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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