I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to sanitize my soul.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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