I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
