This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
