He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
