We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
