I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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