He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
