All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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