I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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