I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
