i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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