U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
