I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Enjoy the penises
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
