Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
