Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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