never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Randomize
