Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
