i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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