Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
