She's JV to your varsity
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
