my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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