i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
