Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
