I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
