I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
