Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
