i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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