dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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