I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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