Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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