smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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