Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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