smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
