Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
