Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize