1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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