he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
