pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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