morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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