I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
