is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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