If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
