Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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