Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
