I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
