U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize