I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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