are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize