i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
