Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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