"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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