i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
