you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
