he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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