In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
